love like a temporary madness
by PrincessRotation
Summary: Sam shares her thoughts about love. One shot. Seddie.


**love like a temporary madness**

samxfreddie

It's a stupid emotion, love. I've never liked it. I believe in it, sure. I don't have denial issues. But it messes up lives. Messes with people's lives. Makes them do things they wouldn't if they were thinking straight. I know this, because I've seen it happen. Plenty of times. I've grown up with my mother bringing home countless men, starry eyed, blinded by a sudden rush of love. This time, she tells me, it's real. And I've figured it out. Being in love is underrated. There is a period of nothing but raw emotions, the 'honeymoon stage' as Spencer calls it, when all you can think about is that other person and how much you 'love' them. Then, when that fades away, you start to see the cracks, the bad things. And everything starts to fall apart. If that's love, then I don't want it.

Yet, this wretched emotion seems to have effected me too. Because unfortunately for me, the most perfect yet nubbish person had to be in my life. And also unfortunately for me, I can't control my emotions. I'm like a ticking bomb, you never know when I might lose my cool and explode, and you never know when I might do something stupidly crazy, like fall in love. I need to be treated with caution.

Freddie Benson. Oh, Jesus. He's far from what I would look for. But then again, what would I look for? He does everything the way it should be done, never steps out of line and does something crazy without a push. I push him too much sometimes, I think. Because sometimes, he looks at me, exasperated, and I return home that night feeling something that I used to try to push aside. I don't even bother nowadays. I know I need to accept love into my heart, how ever mushy that sounds. I can't beat it (which is normally the Puckett way), so I might as well join it, right?

But anyway, I thought it would be useless, having that stupid emotion. Because it was never going to be put to use. Freddie didn't want _me_. He wanted Carly Shay, the most perfect girl for miles. I guess that's how most people saw her. Including him. So even though I had accepted my feelings for him, I didn't dare acknowledge them out loud. I could only take so many feelings, love and longing was enough, but heart break? No way, I was not about to add that to the mix.

Or at least, I wasn't, until I kissed him.

His lips were right there, moving almost in slow motion to me, his deep chestnut eyes focused on me unknowingly. And I just _needed_ him to know right then. I didn't want to lock my feelings up anymore. I needed to express them, besides, he was the one urging me to. 'But you'll never know, unless you-' My lips crashed onto his, I grabbed his large arms and almost stood on my tiptoes. There was feeling in that kiss. Not that it made any difference to him, as of course, like I expected, he didn't respond. He was rigid with shock. I backed away reluctantly when I realized nothing was going to come of my actions. I waited for him to speak, but he could only choke. I apologized, and upon him saying, 'It's cool,' I left. Storming inside, I couldn't even bring myself to be mad at Carly for spying, because I was so fucking mad at myself.

I let my feelings out, and they came back to bite me in the butt. Did I deserve this? Okay, probably, yes. I had done so many bad things to the kid, it's a wonder he even still talked to me. Kiss me back? What was I hoping for? I was stupid and immature, forgetting all my morals for those few seconds in the hope that love was something worth feeling. But it wasn't, not for me anyway. Not for someone like me. I don't deserve to be loved back. Maybe that was karma, getting me back for everything bad I've ever done? Making me love, yet not be loved back? Because as far as I'm concerned, in my life, that was the most worthless I've ever felt.

But then, he kissed me.

At a mental hospital, of all places. Which was appropriate, because after I checked myself in there for liking him, and him convincing me I'm not mental, that kiss made me feel it again. It transformed a normally down to earth me into feeling like giggling like a school girl. And that's when I knew. This shit was _serious_.

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><p><strong>didn't wanna ruin this by adding more, cause i wrote it ages ago and i've lost my train of thought LOL.<strong>

**I hope you liked this guys, I'm going through my doc manager and uploading things I never got round to cause I have uploaded anything in TIME. So, yeah. And also, it makes me so happy when I get an e-mail telling me someone's added me or my story to their favourites. It's so inspiring. Thanks you guys.**

**PrincessRotation - ha if you know what my username is from, +100000 cool points yo!**


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